It was August 16th, 2018, the day my husband and I were headed to our first doctors appointment to confirm our second pregnancy. We didn’t know at the time there were two babies but I’d be lying if I told you we didn’t have a hunch. When the doctor started that first ultrasound I remember Derek half jokingly asking her to make sure she checked for two heartbeats. Even partly expecting it, both our jaws hit the floor when the doctor said, “Well looks like dad might be on to something, I see twins!” Did I mention that Brock was barely 10 months old on that day!?
I am excited to share the first of a series of blog posts covering The Good, Bad & Pretty Ugly of Motherhood as a mom of multiples. For this first post of the series, I am taking it back to the first 3 months of becoming a mom of three under two. Whether you are a mom of twins, a mom of more than one, or a mom expecting your second or maybe your third, my hope is that this post and series will provide helpful insight into what it is really like from a mom who’s been through it. The first thing I did when I found out I was pregnant with two was google how to survive newborn twins and a toddler & I couldn’t find much on what to really expect. I wanted to give insight for those frantically searching the internet like I did, to help ease the nerves of becoming a mom of multiples. I’ll be sharing real life stories outlining the good, bad and ugly, some helpful tips from having “survived” the chaos and a short Q&A based on questions I received on Instagram. You might laugh with me, you might cry with me but without further ado, let’s get into it!
The Good, Bad, & Pretty Ugly...
The Good
The day I found out I was pregnant with twins, my worries for how Brock would react consumed me. He wasn’t even a year old at the time and I feared I wouldn’t be able to give him the attention he needed at such a young age still. Fast forward to the day after his sisters were born, the day he got to meet them. When he walked through the door to our postpartum room, he greeted me with the biggest hug and I could see in his eyes the excitement he had to meet his sisters. I will never forget Brock wearing his brother of twins t-shirt, his little fingers on the clear acrylic hospital bassinet, pulling himself up to his tippy toes to peer in at his baby sisters. I was so pleasantly surprised with his excitement but at the same time, it had been almost 3 days since Derek and I had seen Brock so he was most concerned with getting his time with mama and dada. His interest in meeting them came and went in minutes. He was suddenly pulling us into the hallway to walk with him, hand in hand. To be honest this was the first time I had walked since having the C-section, and what a motivation he was for me in that moment.
Brock meeting his sisters for the first time warmed my little mama heart but it didn’t put my worries to rest. How was I going to be everything I needed to be to all three of them at once?
When we finally brought Jadyn & Jordyn home, it was at that point that I could finally let my anxious feelings go. We set up a corner in our living room where the girls would sleep in their DockATots during the day. In the first hour that we were home, we did the typical new born things: fed them, changed their diapers, wrapped them in their swaddle blankets and finally lied them both in their DockATots to sleep. As soon as we got them settled into their corner, Brock ran over and set his little hands on both of their tiny feet for a good solid minute, letting everyone know that these were his sisters. That moment melted me and gave me the reassurance I needed.
The Bad
It probably goes without saying but the hardest part about having twins is, well, there’s two. Two tummies to feed. Two bottles to clean. Two diapers to change. Two pacifers to find. Two car seats to carry. Two snotty noses. Two swaddles to fix. Two burps to relieve. Two outfits to put on. Two baths to take. Two cries to answer too. Two swings. Two dock a tots. Two cribs. Two baby carriers. Two high chairs. And… Just. One. Momma.
I learned quickly that surviving this early stage is all about perspective so luckily with the “bad” comes the good. Two smiles. Two smirks. Two hands touching fingertips. Two coos. Two giggles. Two sweet baby smells. Two sets of firsts to celebrate. Two sets of baby rolls. Two babes to snuggle. Two milk drunk faces. Two cute outfits to coordinate. Two babies sleeping soundly. Two beating hearts. And… One. Grateful. Momma.
The Ugly
In the early weeks of going from 1 to 3, we were very blessed to have friends and family show up with meals most days of the week. This evening was one of those nights. It also happened to be a Friday and we were just so excited to see our friends, even if just for a few minutes. We were trying to catch up and visit over the sounds of two cranky one month olds during their witching hour and in doing so Brock, our oldest had snuck upstairs without us noticing. About 5 minutes had past and we were suddenly alerted by a huge crash and now a screaming toddler who had just fallen down the last few steps. You could tell our friends were slightly overwhelmed by the shit show that had just occurred and Derek and I were beyond embarrassed as we replayed the last 20 minutes back in our heads. To top it off, just as we shut the front door after walking our friends out I looked down to find one of my nipple shields still attached under my shirt. The cherry on top that had us on the floor deliriously laughing at the reality of our new lives as a family of 5.
5 Tips for the Newborn Stage (0-3 months)
Arrange as much help as possible.
First and foremost, the biggest tip I can give is never turn down help. Whether it’s a friend offering 30 minutes so you can shower or family offering to bring dinner one night… take the help! Before the twins were even born we lined up help for the first four months. My husband planned to take two weeks off once we brought the girls home. My mom fortunately had her spring break the week Derek went back to work and she was graciously willing to spend it with us. Then after the first month, we arranged to have my mother-in-law help us more permanently while Derek was at work. We considered looking for someone outside the family but we knew she would be the best for the job and we are glad she was so willing to quit her job to be there for us.
One of my biggest fears was being enough for all three of them at the same time. Going from one to three intimidated me a lot in the first 3 months. I thought maybe once I was in it and doing it, I would gain more confidence but the thought of being with all three of them by myself continued to make me so anxious. I am so thankful and blessed that the luxury of having help was available to me for as long as I felt I needed it. Both my mom and and mother-in-law continuously told me that they knew I could do it but I am thankful that they kept showing up and didn’t leave me alone before I thought I was ready.
Develop a schedule that works for you.
During those first two weeks Derek and I were adamant about putting the girls on a schedule and figuring out how we were going to function as a family of five. Before the girls were born I had found a gentle sleep training guide* written by a fellow momma of twins. What I loved most about the guide were the tips Carly gave on things to do even in the early weeks to set them up for sleeping on their own in the months to come. This of course had it’s pros and cons and I did struggle with it a bit at times but I knew it was going to help me and my family get through the first few months and ultimately the first year. I truly believe that it did help the twins to sleep on their own in the early months and that gave me flexibility to have one on one time with my first born.
Another resource I referenced a lot when it came to schedules and just what the heck to do in any situation were the Moms on Call books, also written by two fellow twin mamas.
*I encourage you to do your own research on deciding what approach will work best for you and your family, but I wanted to make sure I shared Carly’s guide as I did find it to be very helpful for us as parents to twins plus a singleton.
Don’t put added pressure on yourself to breastfeed.
Let me start by saying that by no means am I suggesting you shouldn’t breastfeed. I simply felt that I needed to be more open to both formula feeding and breastfeeding when I was expecting twins in my second pregnancy versus when I was expecting just one in my first pregnancy. Before the twins were even born I had decided that I wasn’t going to put the pressure on myself to breastfeed them. I wasn’t against trying but I was also okay if I needed to supplement with formula as I just imagined I would be breastfeeding on the clock with two babies involved, not to mention I also had a toddler running around. It wasn’t until I meet with the lactation nurse at the hospital that I decided I for sure wanted to try breastfeeding. She gave me some great tips on feeding the girls at the same time, eliminating my concerns of having a baby on my boob all hours of the day. Breastfeeding twins was definitely a production but I found a method that worked for me, allowing me to stick with it way longer than I ever expected. (I will go more into depth about my breastfeeding experience in another blog post, so stay tuned.)
My biggest struggle with breastfeeding was feeling like I couldn’t really bond or soak that time in with the twins because, well first off, it wasn’t the comfiest, cuddly position for me. And secondly, I obviously wasn’t available for Brock at that time so I was constantly fighting the feeling that I was missing out on time with him. For moms in similar situations, I did find that I was able to enjoy breastfeeding more when my first born was in another room so the mom guilt didn’t rush over me during it.
Once I made the decision to breastfeed, I was constantly making small goals for myself to help keep me motivated. I wanted to make it a full month and then a second month and then I told myself one more week, one more week. There was a time where I felt like the guilt of not being there for Brock and the feeling that I wasn’t able to truly bond with the twins was just too much and I knew it was best for all to switch to bottles. I’m sharing this because even though I switched them to bottles and supplementing around 3 months, I didn’t feel like a failed. Being open to both and not putting that added pressure on myself from the beginning truly made my experience with breastfeeding twins so much more enjoyable.
Know that your oldest will be okay.
Like I mentioned, one of my biggest fears was how Brock would react to becoming a big brother. He was still a baby himself, just 16 months older than them and he was also use to not spending much time away from me since I became a stay at home mom when Brock was just 6 months old (except for a few hours a week to give myself a little break). I worried about not being able to hold him when he wanted because I was breastfeeding, or not having the energy to play with him because I was up all night with the twins, him feeling abandoned because it wouldn’t be just me and him any more.
To subside the feelings and worries I was having, I really had to adopt a new mindset about my time with my first born. I was so used to being the one who was there for him 24/7 before the twins were born. I had to remind myself that when I was with the twins he was in good hands and even though I wouldn’t have the same quantity of time with him as before, the time I did get to spend with him would be quality time.
Brock adopted his role as big brother like a pro, and as long as I gave him those few windows of quality time he didn’t really show signs of jealousy. He loved his sisters and showed them daily in his big brother kind of way.
Take care of yourself.
I can’t tell you how many times I was on the verge of fainting from not eating because I put myself last on my to do list. Especially in the early months it felt like as soon as I finished a cycle of breastfeeding the twins, tummy time, diaper changes, getting them both to sleep and spending a little quality time with Brock, it seemed like it was time to do it all over again. My mother in law was constantly reminding me to eat. (Thank goodness someone was looking out for me!) It helped to have easy things to grab because if it required me to cook it, it wasn’t happening. I kept hard boiled eggs, protein bars, nuts, basically snacks that were easy to grab that would give me the sustained energy I needed to get through the day. I really wish I would have known about Arbonne during this stage!
Q&A
How is it going from 1 to 3?
The biggest change that we felt immediately was the reality that we were now outnumbered. I think that is what gave me the most anxiety, worrying about how we were going to do it if they all needed one of us at once. Oddly enough though, the twins typically traded off who needed attention. It was like they knew who’s turn it was. And in the rare times that all three needed something I just had to accept that as long as I knew they were safe, they were just going to have to cry a little bit and I would get to each of them as soon as possible.
How do you make time for your first born?
This was something I constantly had to choose to do. Like I said earlier, I was very fortunate to have my mother-in-law’s help in the early months of going from one to three. Once we got on a pretty solid schedule, there were times in the day when we could count on both of the girls napping (& not in my arms). I could have easily asked Jaci to watch Brock during those times so I could nap or shower BUT I choose to spend that time one on one with him and I am so glad I was able to do that. Sure, I occasionally choose to take care of me, too, but most of the time I needed that one on one time with him more. We did park dates, ice cream dates, or just took a stroll down the street to look for trucks. It’s all about making those small windows of time you get count when you have multiples!
How was Brock’s jealousy with the new babies?
He loved his sisters! He had his jealous moments, mostly when I was breastfeeding. That was really the only time I was completely unavailable to him since I usually fed both girls at the same time. I noticed that’s when he would show his jealousy so I made it a point to be really engaging with him if he was playing near me. I would ask him questions related to what he was doing, or cheer him on; just something to let him know that I was still paying attention to him.
How did you make time for recovery and working out with multiples?
This was so hard for me in the beginning. The first three months we were in legit survival mode. I felt like I barely had time to feed myself so working out for an hour was just out of the question in this phase. I do think taking care of yourself is important for your sanity though, it just looked very different in the first few months. Eating three meals a day was a win, getting outside and going on a short walk was a win, taking a shower by myself was a win. The biggest thing to remember is that it is a phase and you will not be in survival mode forever.
Did they sleep in the same room when they were babies?
Yes, we had them in a twin pack-n-play in our room for the first 4 months and then transferred them to cribs in the same room once we felt comfortable not having them in the same room as us.
Final Thoughts...
I got asked a lot, “Three under two, how do you do it?” My short answer, I don’t know, I just do it. My long, thought answer in two words… my husband. Yeah I was the one breastfeeding the twins every three hours at night but he was up too, changing their diapers and handing them to me so I could breastfeed them at the same time. Yes I was the one at home taking care of the kids on the clock but he was at work and the second he got home he was willingly on kid duty with me. We were a team, a good team. I couldn’t have gotten through those first three months without him.
Again, I am so excited to be kicking off this motherhood series and I appreciate you taking the time to read my experiences. Next post in this series will cover the 3 to 6 month phase, coming soon!
Janelle Regalado
Love this!! Can’t wait to read more and apply some of your advice to my boys! Daddy just started a new career in healthcare (working towards being a fireman) after being home with us for a year and the boys are having a hard time adapting, well we both are! Lol. How did you get your babes to fall asleep on their own in their own beds in the same room? I am with them on my own a lot now and even for bed time sometimes and it is a struggle. Help! Lol
xx: Janelle Regalado